PICTURE the scene - you're getting ready for a night out with your pals, carefully choosing what dress to wear, making sure your bag and shoes compliment it perfectly. Then the phone rings; it's your boyfriend. You feel slightly on edge. "I don't care what you're mates are doing, " he says. "You're not going anywhere. We're staying in tonight!" Reluctantly you hang up your dress, put away your shoes, and call your friends. You make your excuses and settle down for another Saturday night in.

"It's very difficult for young people to define and realise this is abuse, " says Janette de Haan, development officer from the Women's Support Project in Glasgow. "In fact many may find excuses for their girlfriend or boyfriend's behaviour."

Recent research amongst young people shows more teenagers realise that controlling behaviour is a form of psychological abuse. For example, 79-per cent of females and 75-per cent of males think that not allowing a boyfriend or girlfriend see their mates is a form of abuse. Following a recent TV advertisement focusing on how psychological abuse is part of domestic abuse, the Scottish Domestic Abuse Helpline received 21-per cent more calls.

If you are unsure what psychological abuse in a relationship is, ask yourself these questions:

Is your boyfriend or girlfriend mocking you, calling you names, or putting you down in front of other people?

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend sulk, go into a mood, or threaten to withhold things (like money) if you don't do what they want?

Is your boyfriend or girlfriend overbearingly jealous, checking-up on you, or looking in your mobile phone or e-mails without permission?

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend tell you who you can or can't see or where you can go?

Do you feel like you are doing everything your boyfriend or girlfriend wants and you're losing your independence and your friends?

A recent Hollyoaks' storyline highlighted how a lack of respect within relationships can be incredibly harmful. Stuart Manning plays Russell Owen in the hit Channel 4 soap. When Russell's girlfriend told him she had been raped, he didn't believe her, choosing to listen to his mates instead. "That was the biggest sin he could have committed, " Stuart says. "He should have believed her; there was no respect there."

The bigger storyline dealt with two other characters, Sam Owen and Andy Holt, and their obsessive need to control and manipulate women. Stuart says it was a difficult storyline (culminating in date rape) to prepare for, but because it dealt with such issues as manipulative relationships, it was a vital one. "It has really hit home. At the end of the show there's a phone line to call, and when this was first on we had 40,000 people in an hour calling up, " he says.

Psychological abuse "takes away women's self-esteem and self-worth, " says Janette, which can take years to build back up once it's been destroyed by a controlling boyfriend or girlfriend.

So how can teenagers stay safe in relationships, and avoid such psychological abuse? "There should be equal respect in relationships, " says Janette. "If your opinion isn't valued, you feel your behaviour is being controlled, or if you're scared something will happen if you don't behave in a certain way, speak to someone about it soon. The longer it goes on the more difficult it is to recover from."

The Scottish Domestic Abuse Helpline is 0800 027 1234.